Get Rid of Him Already, What Are You Waiting For?

Procrastination is one bad habit that it’s a good idea to break. This is very important if a relationship breakup is involved and it is clear that you have tried everything possible to heal your relationship first. If you have been through couples counseling and tried innumerable retreats, workshops, self-help and together-help books and for years you have known that the relationship has degraded to a state which no longer really serves you or your partner and you still are staying in it, it may be time to look at the idea that procrastination is the primary influence as to why you are still together.

Science now tells us that we are actually hardwired to avoid doing things until the last minute, especially the tasks we find unpleasant. It is in our nature to attend to things that give us pleasure and to avoid those things that cause us discomfort or pain (like breaking up a long term relationship!). This see-saw of wanting to complete something painful to get it out of “waiting to do list” and avoiding it out of the pain we believe it will cause, is a war of parts of the brain, the limbic system vs. the neocortex.

The limbic system is an older part of the brain and probably a throwback to an era when time was measured in seasons, not in nanoseconds. The limbic system’s primary characteristic is to value comfort and safety above all. It will do anything that it can to keep you safe and intact and will fire the body’s fight flight or freeze mechanisms to ensure your survival. Its machinations are sometimes harsh but will generally override any conscious thoughts or stategies that you might have to to something one way or another when it perceives a threat.  As it seeks comfort it will signal you to extend your weekend at the beach into Monday instead of going back to the office if the office is a stressful and threatening place.

The neocortex is a more modern development. It’s a much newer part of the brain that acts to process information and make decisions, except, apparently, the decision to procrastinate, like in ending a relationship. And I’m sorry to be the bringer of bad news to the compulsively progress-oriented, but the limbic system is able to override the neocortex. Listen to your elders, children.

Fortunately there are the Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT). Through an experienced EFT coach, you can help yourself end your procrastinating ways because it lets you safely explore the past experience that created your self created worst fears and scenarios that make you want to put something off and then dissolve them. It resolves the core issues that are at the heart of your putting things off.